


you're the yellow bird that i've been waiting for

by rocketshiptospace



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton knew this whole timer thing was absolutely ridiculous. He knew there had to be flaws in the whole 'your timer will stop when you look your soulmate in the eyes for the very first time' thing. After all the timers have been around since practically forever. There's bound to be cracks in such an ancient system.  </p>
<p>He just would've preferred it if the universe hadn't confirmed his suspicions by pulling this stupid stunt. </p>
<p>This stupid stunt being Ashton sitting on the couch, in front of his TV at 2 am in the morning, watching MTV, staring dumbly at his timer that has just hit zero. The flickering lights of the TV throw shadows over the thin white lines of the zeros and no matter how Ashton holds his arm, the zeros stay.  </p>
<p>or, ashton discovers a flaw in the soulmate system and spends the upcoming years pining over someone who doesn't know he exists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're the yellow bird that i've been waiting for

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is something ive been working on for the past few weeks and that couldn't have existed without the help of my always amazing squad ([jake](http://femmeashton.tumblr.com), [mandi](http://pizzawithlashton.tumblr.com), [pary ](http://mpregashton.tumblr.com) and [sarah](http://punkcaluhm.tumblr.com)) <3333

Ashton  _knew_  this whole timer thing was absolutely ridiculous. He  _knew_ there had to be flaws in the whole 'your timer will stop when you look your soulmate in the eyes for the very first time' thing. After all the timers have been around since practically  _forever._ There's bound to be cracks in such an ancient system.  

He just would've preferred it if the universe hadn't confirmed his suspicions by pulling this stupid stunt. 

This stupid stunt being Ashton sitting on the couch, in front of his TV at 2 am in the morning, watching MTV, staring dumbly at his timer that has just hit zero. The flickering lights of the TV throw shadows over the thin white lines of the zeros and no matter how Ashton holds his arm, the zeros stay.  

On the TV some new singer songwriter guy named Luke Hemmings continuous to strum his guitar as he belts out the lyrics to some cheesy pop song and Ashton's two seconds away from throwing the remote control through the TV. The fact that apparently this guy, this famous pop star Ashton has literally never heard of before is his soulmate is absolutely  _ridiculous._ He eventually forgoes ruining his TV by pelting it with electronic devices and settles for calling Michael, knowing his friend must still be up playing video games at this hour. 

“What do you want Irwin,” Michael's voice grumbles down the line. Like Ashton expected, he doesn't sound  _at all_ like he's just been woken up. Ashton realizes it's probably a bit pathetic that he and his friends are the kind of people that stay up past 2 am on a week night and don't question each other on it. He decides to ignore it, instead opting to discuss more pressing matters with Michael.

“The timers are fucking ridiculous.” 

Michael sighs, “Ashton, did you seriously just call me to have one of your other rants about how shitty the whole soulmate thing is because I am totally not up to that right now, I have more important business to attend.” In the background Ashton can hear the sounds of shooting and video game characters dying. 

“No. Yes. Well, sort of.” 

Michael snorts. Ashton sighs. “I met my soulmate.”  

Ashton hears a lot of spluttering noises on the other side of the line and he smiles slightly when he realizes Michael must've choked on his drink. Good. Serves the bastard right.  

“You did  _what?!”_

“I met my soulmate. Sort of.” 

Michael groans. “Will you just stop with the vague shit and tell me what happened.” 

Ashton takes a deep breath. “Okay, so I was watching TV-” 

Michael cuts him off. “Please tell me you weren't watching Masterchef Australia reruns again.”  

“I wasn't and even if I was I don't see what's wrong with it. It's a good TV show, Michael.” 

Michael snorts. “I know it's a good TV show, you forced me to watch  _every single episode_. Anyway, last time you watched Masterchef in the middle of the night you convinced yourself you could actually cook too and set the entire kitchen on fire. At 3 am in the morning. Do I really need to remind you of the reactions of the fellow inhabitants of your building when they were forced out of bed at 3 am?”  

Ashton huffs. “That was a one time thing Michael and that happened  _forever_ ago. I don't understand why you still bring that up.”  

“That was last week, Ashton.” Ashton can almost see the look on Michael's face as he says it, the hint a smirk on his lips, one of his eyebrows raised. He wishes Michael was here right now, just so he could slap that look off his face. 

“Not the point and also not why I was calling.” Ashton says, trying to steer the conversation back to the important matters. He'd really not like to dwell any longer on the crème brûlée disaster from last week. Seriously, how could he know it was possible to accidentally blow torch the paper towel stand rather than the little cups he was supposed to (okay, yes it was very possible, but again,  _not the point)_. 

“So I was watching TV, MTV, if you really want to know. Actually, did you know MTV still shows music videos in the middle of the night? Like, actual honest to god music videos. Kind of a miracle, since lately it's mostly just stupid reality TV and those pregnancy things and-” 

“Please get to the point, Ash.” Michael sounds a bit exasperated. But then again, Michael almost always sounds exasperated. Especially when talking to Ashton. Ashton knows Michael loves him, though.

There's a silence and Ashton knows he's supposed to speak, supposed to tell Michael what happened but the whole situation is still so foreign and ridiculous to him so all he manages to say is, “Luke Hemmings.”  

“Luke Hemmings,” Michael says when it's clear Ashton isn't going to elaborate. “Isn't that that singer guys with the guitar and the quiff?” 

“Yeah.” 

“All right so I'm guessing you were watching MTV and this Luke Hemmings shows up right? So what's the big-” Michael seems to realize mid sentence what Ashton has been trying to say and he inhales sharply. “You saw Luke Hemmings and your timer beeped.” 

Ashton nods. He knows Michael can't see but he seems to have lost the ability to speak now the true horror of the situation is really dawning on him.  

He has a soulmate and he knows who it is and he's probably never going to meet them. 

“Well, at least he's really cute,” Michael tries to joke, after a couple of seconds of complete silence, knowing how Ashton must feel right now.

It helps, a bit. It at least helps Ashton regain his speech. “Please don't take my man, Michael Clifford, I'm watching you.”  

Michael chuckles. “I wouldn't dare.” There's another silence in which they both seem to think about it, about what just happened, about what's coming next.  

“Don't worry too much about it, Ash. Just see it as a way of you being able to get to know your soulmate before you'll meet him, yeah? He's your  _soulmate_ , Ash, you're meant to be with this guy, you  _will_ meet him. The question is just when.” Michael's voice sounds so sure and it's rather comforting, if it wasn't for the tiny voices nagging Ashton's brain ever since his timer stopped not too long ago.

“What if I don't, though.” It comes out as barely a whisper and Ashton has to try really hard not to let his voice crack. “What if I never meet him and I'm forever stuck with these white zero's on my arm and people will ask questions and I wouldn't be able to answer them, Michael, because  _I don't know_. All I know his name is Luke Hemmings and that he's famous which makes the chance of me meeting him even  _smaller_.” 

“Ashton, Ashton please  _breathe_. Remember, not meeting your soulmate isn't the end of the world. You've lived your entire life without them, you can live the rest of your life without them too.”

Ashton sighs. “Yeah but before he didn't have a  _face,_ Michael. Now he does. A very cute face that is. And apparently he's pretty famous, since you even seem to know who he is and I'll probably see his face everywhere and you know what hurts the most? He doesn't know I exist. He doesn't know I'm alive and that I know who he is and that I'm just  _waiting_  for him.”  

Michael sighs. “That's really all you can do right now, Ash. Just wait. I know things will turn out fine, they always do. You just have to have faith, yeah? You'll be fine, Ash, you're always fine.”  

“Yeah,” Ashton mutters. He's not really sure, but then again, he doesn't even know how he's supposed to feel about this whole situation. He's heard the weirdest stories about soulmate meetings, but never like this. He's never heard a story of someone having a soulmate and knowing who they are but probably never meeting them. Staring at the TV, that's long past Luke Hemmings' music video and is now playing the newest Rihanna song, he realizes he should probably sleep on this. He needs to come to terms with this, he needs to  _think_ about this. 

So he says goodbye to Michael, who once again assures him it's going to be  _fine_ , before heading to his bedroom and falling down on his bed, to exhausted and confused to even take his clothes off. 

– 

When he wakes up the next morning, he expects to be fresh and rested and able to look at the situation with a clear view. Instead, his mouth feels dry and he's sweaty from sleeping in his clothes and thoughts are swirling through his head and nothing is making  _sense_. 

The thing is, growing up, Ashton was always taught that meeting his soulmate would solve everything. Those weren't his mother's exact words, she just told him 'When you meet your soulmate everything will be better' but Ashton clung to that desperately. That's what he needed. High school was never easy for him, he was always too loud, too big of a presence, too happy. Always too much, but yet never enough.  

The idea that there was someone out there, someone who would love him and hold him and kiss him no matter what, that's what got him out of bed in the morning. He didn't know the exact date his timer would end, preferred to keep it covered, to keep it a bit of a surprise, but he knew it was happening somewhere in his early twenties. That's what kept him going, the idea that somewhere around that time, someone would appear in his life that would make everything  _okay._  Whenever he felt down, whenever he felt like hiding away and crying because everything was getting  _too much_ , he'd look at his wrist, covered in bracelets, and think  _'Yeah, underneath that is the prove I'm going to be okay. It's all going to be okay.'_  

He'd never tell Michael though. No, when Michael asked about the soulmates Ashton would scoff every time and launch into a rant about how shitty the whole idea was and how ridiculous the numbers were. He claimed he kept his numbers covered because he  _didn't care_  even though the opposite was true. He ridiculed the soulmate timers because deep down he was scared he was putting  _too much_  faith in this whole thing. Like, what if he put all his faith on this one person and it turns out all  _wrong_. He's scared his soulmate isn't going to be the person that will make everything okay, like his mom always told him.  

Not that he's not okay now, no, he's fine. It's just, sometimes he struggles paying the rent and he's not really sure what he wants to do with his life because nothing seems  _right_  and at night his apartment is lonely and silent and sometimes he feels like screaming because at least that means there's  _something_.  

And then he finally gets what he's wanted all this time, he finally gets a  _soulmate_  and he can't even touch him. Hell, the guy doesn't even know he  _exists_. For Luke he's still an idea, a vague thought that lingers in the back of his head, not yet a solid form. But for him, for Ashton, Luke is  _real._ Luke  _exists_. And still he's unreachable.  

He eventually drags himself out of bed into the kitchen and makes himself a bowl of cereal. He sits at the table and stares out of the window until the milk in his bowl is warm and the cornflakes is soggy and he throws it all away. He ends up laying on the couch, flipping through channels, no real destination, until he suddenly sees a familiar quiff and a pair of paralyzing blue eyes.  

Luke. 

Ashton places the remote control down and intently watches the screen. It's an interview, one where Luke and the interview are sitting on the couch, in what's supposed to be a relaxed environment but honestly just looks a bit forced.  

He observes Luke, something he never really did last night in his shocked daze. Luke's tall and broad and even though Ashton's pretty tall himself, he's sure Luke's actually taller. He's wearing a flannel that looks a bit too big on him which actually just makes him look really cuddly. His hair is up in what seems to be a signature quiff and he has a lip piercing. That's not what catches Ashton's attention, though. What catches Ashton's attention is the wide bright blue eyes that seem to shine with excitement and happiness. They're the kind of eyes you'd get lost in, the kind of eyes you'd find  _comfort_ in. Ashton wonders if he ever gets to see those eyes in person. He really hopes so. 

The interview starts off with a bit of a run through of how Luke got where he is now and Ashton is intrigued. Apparently Luke is the youngest brother in a normal Australian family and his music career started off with some pretty simple covers on YouTube. His career skyrocketed when he was picked up to be the opening act for One Direction and after that it apparently all happened super fast. He just has an album out and Ashton finds himself grabbing his laptop and downloading it immediately. Sue him, he's curious.  

And Luke self, oh god.  

He's, if Ashton had to sum him up in one word, adorable. On one hand he's quite serious, answering all the questions the interviewer sends his way in honesty, but every now and then he cracks stupid jokes and laughs, a laugh that makes his nose wrinkle and his eyes shine and Ashton kind of melts.  

The interview ends and Ashton finds himself watching the commercials that come after for a good two minutes before he shakes himself out of the weird daze he seemed to have gotten in.  

It's just, seeing Luke, seeing his  _soulmate,_ all happy and excited actually makes him feel a lot better. It's like, he might not know Luke and he might not ever know him, but at least he's  _happy_. As long Luke's okay, he's okay.  

And that's how it goes on for awhile. Whenever Ashton feels like the earth is disappearing from under his feet he turns on his laptop and watches one of Luke's interviews or listens to one of his albums. It's weird, probably, but it's the only thing he has and it's just, Luke's presence, even though it's on the other side of a screen, is really soothing.  

And like, his music's actually really good. It's mostly just calm relaxed tunes with a lot of guitar and they're almost all about love and friendship, but they're  _good_. Luke's singing voice is nice and deep and it makes Ashton feel like he's safe, like he's home.  

He learns a lot of things about Luke, over the years. Luke likes penguins and tea and hugs. He's literally the sweetest human being on the planet and he keeps his timer covered with a ton of bracelets. Sometimes Ashton wonders it's so the fans won't see and claim to be his soulmate or if he's the same as Ashton, if he wants it to be a surprise. 

Even though Ashton checks up on Luke daily, he never purposely seeks him out. He figures they'll meet when they're supposed to.  

He eventually got his life together, sort of. He doesn't stay up till 2 am watching Masterchef anymore and he's gotten a job, even though it's just some 9 to 5 office job. It pays well and his coworkers are nice.  

It's good. Life's good.  

Except, well, it's a little bit boring. He goes to work in the morning and comes home in the evening and the apartment is still empty, even when he plays Luke's albums on full volume he knows there's something missing, knows there's something  _not right_.  

It's been years, years since he found out it was  _Luke_  and even though everything has changed, nothing has really changed at all.  

He still feels alone and he still watches Luke's interviews and listens to Luke's music to make himself feel better but it's becoming less and less comforting. There's a slow fear creeping into his heart that this might be it, that this might actually be his life.  

That, for the rest of his living years, he'll desperately cling to a face on a computer screen, a voice singing through his headphones. Around him everyone's finding love and moving in and having kids and he's still alone. Even Michael, who Ashton always thought was the least domestic person on the planet is moving in with his boyfriend and Ashton's still alone, has always been alone, will probably always be alone. 

At least, that's what it feels like.  

– 

Everything changes when Michael shows up on his doorstep with two tickets in his hand. “Get in loser, we're going to a concert.”  

Ashton raises an eyebrow. “I'm going to need more than that, Clifford.”  

Michael smirks. “Luke Hemmings. They're not really good tickets, to be honest, because I was a little late and  _man_  these things sell fast. But, I got two, and we're going.” 

There's a silence. Michaels looking at Ashton with an almost challenging look and Ashton, Ashton  _doesn't know what to say._  

He knew Luke was coming to their home town. He occasionally checks Luke's twitter and he  _knew_  Luke was coming this way. He just ignored it, because, well, if it was meant to be, it would happen, wouldn't it? But now Michael shows up with tickets and this could be it, this could be his sign.  

This could be the way he  _finally_  meet his soulmate. This is his chance of figuring out if it's  _really_  meant to be. His one chance to figuring out if the universe hadn't been playing some sick joke on him all this time.  

“Okay,” He eventually whispers, and it doesn't sound sure at all and he doesn't even know  _why_ he's doing this. There's going to be a million people there, Luke's not particularly unknown after all, and there's  _no way_ he's actually going to meet Luke. But, it's worth the shot. If it works out, it means it's indeed meant to be. If it doesn't, well, then maybe it's finally time for Ashton to stop dwelling on it. It's been years since his timer stopped and nothing has happened since. Maybe it's time to move on.

“Great, now, hurry up, it's starting in an hour,” Michael says, trudging into Ashton's apartment and heading for his bedroom. 

“Why only tell me now?” Ashton asks as he catches the multiple pieces of clothing Michael throws his way. 

“Because you would've changed your mind if I'd told you sooner.” Michael holds up one of Ashton's ripped t-shirts, squints, then shakes his head and throws it in the direction of Ashton's bed.

Ashton doesn't respond, because he knows it's true, and instead grabs the shirt of the floor and folds it neatly. Well, semi-neatly. Neater than Michael left it. 

“Is Calum not coming?” Ashton eventually asks, because questions and 'what if's' keep floating through his head and he needs to talk about something else, needs to think about something else. 

Michael looks up from where he's digging through Ashton's closet to send his friend a incredulous look. “Calum. To a Luke Hemmings concert. Do you  _really_ want that. Like, he's going to start crying halfway through because  _'oh no Michael this song's so cute! It reminds me of us!'_ And then he's just going to be sobbing for the rest of the night and you'll meet your soulmate while your best friend's boyfriend is loudly sobbing into your shoulder. Like, I know first impressions don't really matter, since you're, you know, soulmates, but like do you  _really_ want to tell your family 'Yeah so I met Luke and his first question was  _'Why is your friend crying?'_  That's  _weird,_ Ashton.” Ashton wonders if Michael knows how fond he sounds when he talks about Calum.  

“Plus, like, you know, if you do meet Luke tonight, you're going to have your soulmate and I'll have mine and it's going to be different, you know? Like, it's already different, now I have Calum, but it's going to be even  _more_ different. Like, it's never really going to be you and me anymore. So, like, I thought it'd be nice, to do this with just the two of us.” Ah, and there it is. The cat is out of the bag. 

Ashton makes his way over to his best friend and ruffles his hair. “Don't worry, Mikey-poo, you can't get rid of me that easily. It'll be different, yeah, but we're still us. Nothing is really going to change, okay?” 

Michael smiles, albeit a bit weakly. “Please don't call me Mikey-poo. Also, wear this.” He throws a bunch of clothes Ashton's way and Ashton easily catches them.  

It's a pair of black skinny jeans (the ones he knows make his thighs look really good), a tank top he knows show off his collarbones and a pair of black combat boots. He raises an eyebrow in Michael's direction, who simply shrugs. 

“You have to look nice while meeting your future husband, don't you?”

Ashton shrugs. “Yeah, okay, you have a good point. Now get out, I need to get dressed.” 

Michael scoffs. “Like I haven't seen it all before.”  

He leaves the room nonetheless. 

– 

They have seats in the back of the venue and they're surrounded by and audience that mostly consists of teenage girls and there's a lot of screaming but Ashton would lie if he said he wasn't having the time of his life.  

The opening act is good, but if Ashton's being honest he's not really paying attention because he's just realized this will be the first time he will  _see_  Luke. Like, actually see him in the flesh, even though it's from so many feet away. This will be the confirmation that at least Luke's  _real,_ that Ashton hasn't been making him up, that Luke is an actual breathing living human being. This will be the confirmation that his  _soulmate_  exists.  

The lights go down and there's a buzzing in the crowd, the yelling has subdued and now everyone's just  _waiting._ The wave of nerves and anticipation that goes to the crowd hits Ashton harder than when he normally attends concerts and he's  _shaking_. He distantly feels Michael grab his hand in what's probably meant as a comforting gesture but it does nothing to subdue the butterflies in his stomach. 

Suddenly the lights pop back on and the music swells and the crowds is yelling and  _there he is._  

The thing about Luke, something Ashton figured out about him years ago, is that he can stand on the biggest stages, in the biggest venues and just look so  _relaxed._ He looks relaxed and happy and like he's home, like he's supposed to be there. The stage is Luke's natural environment, the only place he really looks like himself. The Luke Ashton sees on stage is the Luke he must be behind closed doors. Because in interviews and public outings there's always this certain edge to Luke, like he's not completely comfortable. But on stage, on stage he's just  _Luke._  

Then Luke starts singing and even though they're in a gigantic venue full of people it still feels like he's just singing to Ashton. There's something about the way he sounds, about the way he pronounces the words that makes Ashton's heart swell and his bones rattle. It feels like coming home and being swept away at the same time, like he's everything and nothing all at once. 

He has to glance away from the figure standing on stage, so  _so_ far away, but closer than he's ever been to Ashton, and his eyes wander towards Michael. 

Michael, who's staring right at him with a sort of distant smile on his face.  

“He's really good,” Michael yells over the screaming girls and all Ashton can do is nod.

The whole night flies by faster than Ashton would've liked. More than once during the concert he thinks he'd like to be able to stop time, to cherish this moment. Cherish the fact this is the closest he's been to his soulmate since he knew it was him. Cherish the fact that this is  _Luke_  and that no matter how many people there are in the audience, Luke still manages to make him feel like he's the only one. Like he's  _the one_. 

But before he knows it the concert is over and Michael and Ashton follow the stream of people out of the venue, both buzzing with post-concert energy. Michael keeps yelling “He's like, really good!” and all Ashton could do was nod enthusiastically. 

It isn't till Ashton's home, safely tucked into bed, that he realizes. 

He never even met Luke. 

– 

So the next morning when he wakes up, Ashton decides it's time for a change.  

No more obsessing over his soulmate, no more watching his interviews, no more listening to his music, just no more Luke. Last night was pretty much his only chance of meeting him and it didn't happen. Maybe he just has a dead end. Maybe his soulmate is meant to be someone else's soulmate. No matter how much it hurts to accept that Luke's maybe not meant to be his after all, maybe it's time he does. 

Maybe it's time he accepts that it's not going to happen, and that he's forever going to walk around with thin, white zeros on his arm and that Luke's going to find someone else and be happy with them.  

But Luke will be okay. He has to be okay. As long as Luke's okay, Ashton's okay. At least that's what he tells himself as he shuffles into the kitchen.  

Looking around the kitchen, the empty, lonely kitchen, he realizes he needs to get out. He needs to get out of his apartment right now or he's going to start crying. Everything in the place reminds him of the fact that he's never going to meet his soulmate and that he's going to be alone for the rest of his life and that his life isn't even that interesting, if anything,  _it's boring._  He's going to be stuck in this boring life with his boring 9-5 job in his boring apartment for the rest of his life and there's nothing he can do about. 

So he needs to get out of there,  _right now_. 

He grabs his jacket and a wallet and heads outside, into the slightly chilly morning air, desperately trying to ignore all the thoughts flying through his head. 

He doesn't even know what he was expecting to happen at the concert. Like, he thought that maybe Luke would see him, in the midst of  _all those people_ and his timer would go off and they'd be  _happy_. Or maybe he'd go out afterwards to greet fans and accidentally bump into Ashton. He has no idea what he was expecting but he wasn't expecting nothing but that what he's dealing with now. 

But he's over it. It happened. Or more specifically, it didn't happen at all and he has to move on. He has to let Luke go and maybe focus on some other things. Maybe it's time to move out of his apartment, or get a different job. Maybe it's time to stop dwelling on his soulmate, time to stop letting his soulmate define his happy ending and start working on his own instead. 

He knows he's just telling himself these things to cheer himself up. Because if he had the opportunity to move, he would've long ago. If he had the possibility to quit his job, he would've long ago. Luke's not what's holding him back from doing those things. Money, time, those are the things stopping him. The only reason he had put so much trust in Luke is because he felt like it would be better to have a shitty life if he had at least someone to share it with. But he doesn't. And he never will. 

He's alone, he will always be alone. 

His wandering around eventually leads him to a grocery store and he figures he might as well do some groceries while he's here. He's pretty sure he's out of milk. Actually, he's pretty sure he's out of everything. It's been awhile since he last went grocery shopping. 

It's also a surprisingly nice distraction from his overcrowded mind. He has to focus on what he needs to get and what he still has at home and he has to think about what he wants for dinner for the next upcoming week. It's keeping him occupied, in a way. There's still this little nagging voice in the back of his mind chanting 'Alone! Alone! Alone!' but it's a lot easier to ignore it when he's trying to decide whether or not he needs tomatoes.  

He's doubtfully looking at said tomatoes right now. They don't look particularly good, but Ashton knows a really good pasta sauce and he needs fresh tomatoes for that. He's wondering if these sad lumps of tomato are worth it, when it happens. Or more specifically, when he sees it. 

The thing is, in all those years, ever since his mother told him what the timer meant, he's imagined meeting his soulmate a million times. Before he knew it was Luke he imagined more mundane scenarios, like bumping into each other on the street, or maybe even being in the same college class. But then when he knew it was Luke, he started thinking a bit wilder. After all, no matter how he looked at it, Luke was a pop star. It was almost impossible for Luke to meet his soulmate remotely normal. Ashton always figured he was barely able to step outside without being absolutely mobbed.  

But still, there Luke is, idly browsing through what Ashton thinks is the cereal isle, tapping his chin in deep thought.  

It's him, it's undoubtedly him. Ashton's been watching his interviews for so long now, he could probably recognize Luke if he was wearing a goddamn batman costume. Luke has obviously tried to have at least some sort of disguise, even though Ashton looks right through it. He's wearing a baggy sweater and sweat pants and a beanie pulled over his messy blond hair. For anyone not really paying attention he kind of just looks like a hung over college kid trying to drown his stress and sorrow in cornflakes.  

He looks good though. It's weird, seeing him in the flesh and so close. He's only standing a few feet away from Ashton. Five, maybe six steps and Ashton would be right in front of him. He could introduce himself, tell him he's a big fan. Maybe, if he's really lucky, Luke's timer would even go off. They could talk and laugh about it and maybe this could be  _something_. Maybe  _this is it_. 

But Ashton can't move. He's standing there, tomatoes still in his hand, and he  _can't move._ Luke grabs a box, looks at it for a bit, shakes his head and puts it back. In the mean time, Ashton's brain is working overdrive. Part of it wants to walk over there, is yelling at him that  _this is his chance_. Another part is yelling at him about the past few years, of the hurt of the loneliness and  _is he really willing to put his heart out there, is he really ready to see if Luke's actually the one?_  

And of course, the most important question:  _what if Luke isn't the one?_  What if he goes up there and introduces himself and Luke's timer never beeps?  

The thing is, he has just started to try and get over it. He has only just accepted that maybe he will just never meet his soulmate and he was starting to be  _okay_  with that. And now here he is and Ashton's scared he'll just get his hopes up only for his heart to be shattered again when Luke turns out not to be the one after all. He doesn't think he could handle such rejection.  

Suddenly Luke grabs a box, determinedly, and swings around, heading right in Ashton's direction. Ashton squeaks and seems to suddenly unfreeze, ducking behind the vegetable table in the hopes Luke won't see him. 

He has no idea what he's doing, why he's ducking behind the tomatoes in the middle of the supermarket just to avoid his possible  _soulmate_ , but he can't help it. He doesn't think he has the strength to face Luke, not now, probably not ever.  

Well, it's not like he's ever going to get a second chance to meet Luke. Like, after today, Luke's probably going to go to the next town, to his next concert and who knows if he's ever coming back here. This is probably the only time he will ever be this close to Luke and all he can do is crouch behind the tomatoes. He's not really sure if he's upset with himself or if he understands it.  

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. When he glances to his left he sees an elderly woman looking at him weirdly and he realizes it may be time to get off the supermarket floor. He slowly edges up, peaking over the tomatoes to see if Luke has left and when the coast seems clear he sighs in relief and gets up properly.  

“Uh, are you okay?” Someone behind Ashton asks. There's a strange familiarity to the voice, but Ashton can't quite place it, too busy to see if he can locate Luke.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,” he mumbles, not looking into the direction of the stranger.

“Are you sure? Because you were siting on the floor and you looked really pale, like you were feeling really sick. I don't want to be rude, just, are you sure you're okay?” 

Ashton doesn't know what it is. If it's the words the stranger says or if it's the way he says them, but suddenly the penny drops. Suddenly Ashton knows why this voice sounds so familiar, knows where he's heard it before. Because he's heard this voice a thousand times before, in the safety of his home and yesterday, at the concerts. And indeed, when he turns around, there he is. 

_Luke Hemmings._   

Ashton looks up at him, because just as he thought, Luke's surely a tiny bit taller than him. Their eyes lock and Ashton gets drowned in  _blue blue blue_ and that's when it happens. 

Luke's timer beeps. 

It's a soft beeping noise, nothing too flashy but it almost seems to echo through the relatively empty supermarket, seems to bounce of the walls and hit Ashton square in the face and he's just standing there, staring at Luke, because  _his timer beeped_. 

“Oh,” Luke breaths out, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Ashton whispers, and he prides himself on being able to get words out in the first place. Luke's close now, and there isn't a screen separating them and for the first time in years Ashton sees him,  _really_ sees him. He sees the tiny specks of darker blue that are scattered through Luke's eyes and he sees the flutter of his delicateeyelashes and the curve of his soft pink lips and it's a bit overwhelming, all of it. 

The best thing about it is that he's looking at Luke right now and he knows this is his soulmate. There's no doubt anymore, Luke's the one he's meant to be with forever, Luke is his  _soulmate_. There's a weird feeling bubbling in his chest and he gets the weird urge to scream really loudly because  _this is actually happening_.  

There's a hint of a smile on Luke's face, a bit of wonder in his eyes while he studies Ashton, but the smile is gone as quickly as it appeared when something seems to dawn on Luke.  

“Your timer,” Luke mutters, barely audible, “It didn't beep.” 

Ashton's eyes widen when he sees the edge of panic and sadness in Luke's eyes. “No! No, it did, it did!” He almost trips over his words to assure Luke, to assure his  _soulmate_  that they're meant to be, that this is  _meant to happen_. “It beeped, uh, a couple of years ago? Around the time of your first single. The, uh, music video was on MTV and I was watching it and you kind of looked into the camera and uh, that's when it happened. It beeped, I mean.” Ashton says, pulling his bracelets of his wrist and showing the neat line of white zeroes.  

Luke carefully reaches out his hands towards Ashton's wrists. When they're hovering just a few centimeters away he looks up to Ashton, like he's asking for permission and Ashton nods. Luke's warm hands immediately circle around his wrist and his thumb traces over the zeroes. "So, so you knew." Luke mutters, eyes still focused on Ashton's wrist.  

"Yeah," Ashton breaths, reveling in the feeling of Luke's hands on his wrist. They're soft, which is surprising for someone who plays so much guitar, but they still have a firm grip on Ashton's wrist and it's a comforting pressure. Right now it kind of feels like Luke's holding him above water because he's pretty sure he could drown in all the thoughts jumping through his brain.  

"But you never contacted me. I think, I think I would've remembered that." Luke looks up to him, and there's an uncertainty in his eyes, like Ashton not reaching out to him means that he doesn't  _want_ him and Ashton's heart breaks a bit.  

"No, no, I didn't, but I just. It had to be faith, you know? Like, it had to just... happen. I didn't. I didn't want to cheat it? I wanted, if I met you I wanted it to be because I was  _supposed_  to meet you. At the right time and place, you know." 

Luke smiles. "I respect that. I just, I wish I had met you sooner. I could've used you sooner." His eyes cast down and Ashton suddenly feels really,  _really_ bad. He had been so stuck in his own problems that he never realized that his soulmate might need him too. He needed his soulmate, but at least he had interviews he could watch and music he could listen to. He had  _something_. Luke had  _nothing_. Luke didn't know what his soulmate looked like or if he was even out there. Luke didn't have that little spark of hope Ashton had.  

He wonders what happened to Luke, if Luke was the same as him, if Luke needed his soulmate to prove he was going to be  _okay_. Wonders if something happened, something  _specific_ , that made Luke crave his soulmate more than anything. He also realizes that he wants to know those things about Luke. He wants to know everything about Luke, everything he doesn't say in interviews, everything that happens behind the scenes. He wants to see the  _real_ Luke, get to know the real version of this amazing guy that is also his  _soulmate_.  

He wants to have late night conversations with him about silly things and he wants to wake up wrapped in his arms and he wants to eat breakfast together and lunch and dinner and he wants  _everything._ All these years he thought Luke was going to solve things for him, but now, now he realizes he has to solve them himself. He thinks Luke's presence will just make it a lot easier. A lot more fun, too. If Luke wants that too, of course.  

"I might've not been there when you needed me in the past, but I'll be there if you need me in the future," Ashton whispers. "If you want me, that is."  

Luke looks up to him, seems to study his face for awhile, eyes darting from his nose to his lips and finally he looks straight in Ashton's eyes. "I'd like that."  

\-- 

Ashton can't believe it's been years,  _years_  for gods sake, and somehow he's back to where he started when he first started college. On the couch at two am watching music videos on MTV. He's not even really watching, just has the music as background noise while he tries to read a few pages in his book. He's read the same page three times, though, and he's still not really sure what it says. Frustrated he casts the book aside and grabs his phone. Michael picks up after the third ring. 

"Why are you awake." 

Ashton snorts. "I could ask you the same." 

"It's 5pm here Ashton. Me and Calum were just getting ready to go for dinner at his mum's house. However, you're residing in New York right now and I'm pretty sure it's like 3am there now. So, you know, why are you awake."  

"It's 2am," Ashton says defensively and he can almost hear Michael raise his eyebrow. "Plus I'm waiting for Luke to get home."  

"Luke? Wasn't Luke supposed to get home this morning? Or, like, your morning. Your yesterday morning." 

"Yeah, he was. But then he had a last minute promo thing for the new album and then his flight got delayed and well, he's still not home." Ashton tries not to sound as disappointed as he feels.  

Michael sighs. "Please go to sleep, Ash, Luke will understand." 

"I will, in a second." They both  know he won't. "Anyway, how's Grace?"  

"Grace is great! Except she's in the phase where she kind of repeats everything everyone says which lead to a few complications when Calum stubbed his toe the other day. Explaining her kindergarten teacher where she got such colorful language was a true adventure." 

Ashton laughs. "Oh god, I can imagine." 

They talk for awhile longer after that, Michael updating him on everything happening in Australia while Ashton talks about his adventures in New York. It's nice, talking like this. Time zone prefent them from doing it more often and it kind of bums Ashton. But he also really loves New York (and Luke) so he kind of has to accept it. 

"Oh, Calum says we have to go. Talk to you later, yeah? And  _please_  go to bed."  

"Yeah, yeah." Ashton mutters. "Have fun, Mikey, talk to you later."  

Silence falls over the room, but it's no longer the same silence he used to feel in his old aparment, before he met Luke. Back then, the silence was pressing, suffocating. Now, it's just a silence. Their apartment in New York is a lot more spacious and it should feel even more empty, especially when Luke it gone, but it doesn't.  

Because there's all these little things. There's one of Luke's sweaters hanging over the lounge chair in the corner, one of Luke's songwriting books lays discarded on the table, and the pillows still have Luke's musky scent lingering on them.  

The apartment is empty without Luke, but somehow he's still there. No matter where he is in the world, the house and all of Luke's little trinkets and things are prove that this is still his  _home_. At the end of the day, their New York apartment is where Luke belongs and where he will always go back to. It makes it all feel a little less empty. 

He gets shaken from his thoughts when he hears someone jostling the lock of their front door. It opens, relatively quiet, but then the person at the door seems to drop something because he hears a crash and loud cursing before a few shushing noises. 

"Did you just shush yourself?" Ashton asks as Luke walks into the living room. Luke jumps about three feet in the air and basically drops all his stuff. 

"Oh my god, Ashton, I didn't expect you there." Luke is holding his hand over his heart and takes a few deep breaths. Ashton tries really hard not to laugh at the startled expression on his face, but he can't help it. It looks too cute.  

"Hello to you too, my love." Luke's started expression fades at those words and a soft smile appears on his features.  

"Why are you still awake?" He asks as he walks over to the couch to press a kiss to Ashton's temple before collecting the stuff he dropped all over the floor, piling it up next to the staircase before heading into the kitchen. 

"There was this terribly interesting documentary on TV about deep sea fish. Did you know fish scales have growth rings? Just like trees. They don't shed their scales, you know. They just continue to grow and grow and that's how the rings form. So, like, you can determine a fish age by the amount of growth rings they have." Ashton says. He did watch a documentary about fish, but not because he found it awfully interesting or anything. It's just, he had to do  _something_  because the bed felt weird and lonely, more than usual, because he knew Luke was going to be back  _soon._ Also it was either that or an old episode of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' he'd already watched three times.  

Luke pokes his head around the door and raises one of his eyebrows. "Seems worth loosing sleep over." 

'You are,' Ashton thinks, as he looks straight into Luke's bright sparkling eyes. "Absolutely. Best documentary ever. Wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world. But enough about me, how was L.A.?  

Luke has disappeared back into the kitchen and Ashton can hear him puttering around as he speaks. "Oh, you know. Loud, busy, exciting. The fans were lovely, as always, and I met some really cool people, just..."  

"Just what?" Ashton asks, as Luke appears back in the living room, two mugs with what's probably hot chocolate in his hands. Luke hands Ashton one of the mugs as he plops down on the couch. 

 "None of them wereyou." Luke says, glancing at Ashton all sincerely, bright blue eyes peeking over the rim of his mug. Ashton feels his heart swell in his chest. 

"You're such a sap." Ashton eventually says, trying not to let the fond smile spill over his face. Luke grins and scoots closer to him. 

"You love me, though." He says, leaning forward a bit so his nose is brushing against Ashton's.  

"My only flaw." Ashton mutters, and that's when Luke softly presses his lips to his. 

"I missed you," Luke mutters when he pulls away. Not too far though, just enough so their noses occasionally brush against each other and Ashton gets a bit cross-eyed trying to look into Luke's eyes.  

The mug of hot chocolate Ashton's holding is slowly warming him up and Luke's smiling softly at him and the TV is playing in the background and Ashton has never felt more at home then he does right now. He never really understood that people saying 'home doesn't have to be a place, it can also be a person', but he thinks now he does.  

His knee brushes Luke's thigh and there's a certain warmness seeping through the fabric of his sweatpants. It's not necessarily the heat coming of Luke's body (even though Ashton still claims Luke is like a walking furnace) but more the fact that he's  _there._ The idea that Luke is less than an arms reach away is already incredibly soothing. He things everything is kind of a bit perfect right now, actually. 

Sure there's still complication, like the fact he's miles away from his family or that Luke travels all over the world a lot, sometimes gone for weeks on end. But it doesn’t really matter, none of it really matters, as long as he has Luke. And Luke will  _always_  be there. Not always physically, but Ashton learned a long time ago that sometimes the idea that there's someone out there who loves you  can be enough. Though he prefers to have Luke right there, only inches away from him, where he can touch and hug and kiss him.  

"Missed you too."  

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here](http://skatertotluke.tumblr.com) :)))))


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